The Steps

1) De-escalate strong and disruptive feelings

2) Acknowledge each other and differing perspectives

3) Take on a listening role with each other

4) Discuss underlying issues, fears, and feelings

5) Define the problem

6) Assert needs and wants specifically and clearly

7) Remain flexible as you brainstorm options

8) Remain calm and respectful at any impasses

9) Come to an intentional agreement that works

10) Determine what each partner can do in the future should the issue surface again


The above steps were adapted from the following resources below.

About Rachael Miller

Rachael is the owner of Chicago Counseling and an experienced clinical counselor who has worked and presented locally and internationally. She works in the areas of counseling, community education, higher education, and supervision.

She is credentialed as a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, National Certified Counselor, and Pastoral Counselor. She has a holistic approach to positive health and well-being that includes the physical, mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual.